Female-led isn't new to me. I grew up in a family where the women were in charge. My mother, my aunts, and even my grandmother wore the pants in the family. They gave the orders; the men followed them. The men earned most of the money; the women controlled it. The women had a shorter work day; the men did most of the housework. Girls' night out was an every-other-week occurrence; men's night out – a rarity. The men had power at work; none at home. The men liked being told what to do, though; no guessing, no arguing; everyone was happy, and men love tranquility at home.
Female-led wasn't new to my husband either. He grew up in an all-female household and had to help keep house just like his sisters. He needed some orientation, but he was way ahead of most men when it came to housework. More important, he had a good attitude, always listened to what I had to say, and never disagreed or complained. I met dennis in college at a NOW meeting – that says a lot! He was a good dresser, intelligent, deferential, a committed Feminist. I am an alpha woman – a bitch to some – but while that caused other men to avoid me, it attracted dennis since he was looking for a strong woman. I was looking for a man who would fit my career and personal plans. We both got what we wanted!
To their credit, most men really want to please women but are clueless about what we want; so, ladies, tell them! There are so many guys who will follow your lead. And they're great guys that we can be proud of. To move ahead with a female-led relationship, ladies, you have to do a few things:- Recognize your innate superiority – don't feel guilty about controlling your relationship, about giving orders, or about being confrontational when necessary
- Know your priorities – if your career is a priority, structure your marriage and his expectations accordingly
Pick the right man – there are plenty of great guys who will be only too happy to let you take the lead in a relationship- Have your man commit to your plan – let him know early what you want and get his commitment
We'll discuss these four items in future posts.