The mainstreaming of the concept of female-led relationships is an exciting thing to watch, and also to chronicle, especially for us self-appointed cheerleaders of the movement. FLR and WLM (wife-led marriages) blogs are proliferating daily and assertive women are in media ascendancy everywhere you look.
A major contribution to this mainstreaming is a new FLR website, entitled, simply, Female Led Relationships. Go take a plunge, and if you don’t come back to finish this blog, that’s fine. I’m especially delighted by its persuasive feminine slant. To quote the developers:
"This site is about Female Led Relationships, women leading the men they love, building a better relationship. [It] was basically written by 4 women and 1 man. By Jan 2011 thousands have participated in the project. Participation is open but monitored. We are and cater to intelligent people who want intelligent direction and answers. The content was written from a middle aged woman's perspective for women to read. Men readers can use this as a resource for their mates and are welcome to participate.”
A wonderful resource indeed, I think, perfect for introducing a wife or girlfriend to the benefits of female-led relationships. Again, to quote: “We want to provide a refreshingly open and thorough website covering the topic of FLR without all the distasteful distractions. This site exists without porn… We only show images depicting women as positive and capable leaders whose families benefit from men serving in a positive way.”
One of the site’s sub-pages discusses what they call the “5 Food Groups” of FLRs, which they list as:
1. Finances
2. Free Time
3. Household Chores
4. Life Direction
5. Sex
These are areas of a relationship in which couples can profitably experiment by expanding the area of female control, from 50/50 to total. The site discusses the advantages to a woman (and, ultimately, to her spouse) in gradually ratcheting up the amount of control she exercises in each of these areas.
I particularly enjoyed this list, because it is practical and woman-focused, in a well-organized, slick-magazinish sort of way (and I mean that in a complimentary way). The “5 Food Groups” also reminded me of the subtitle of my book, Worshipping Your Wife: Six Steps for Turning Marriage Back Into Passionate Courtship.
My Six Steps are addressed to husbands and boyfriends desirous of initiating a female-led relationship, even if they have to start on the sly. To quote myself, the guy needs to:
1. Realize that "the thrill is gone" and that he wants to get it back.
2. Save his sex energies for his wife.
3. Make her his fantasy.
4. Court her every day, attempt to win her anew.
5. Pamper her and pitch in around the house.
6. Dare to be known by her.
Sometimes I call it Wife Worship, sometimes Perpetual Courtship. My inspiration for both was Fumika Misato’s brilliant formulation of the Courtship Marriage. (Her website, Real Women Don’t Do Housework, like the new Female Led Relationships site, is definitely supercharged with estrogen.)
But whichever steps are followed, the romantic endgame is the same. The point of Passionate Courtship is that it is led and guided by the woman, with the ardent male suitor at her beck and call. Perpetuated and sanctified, it becomes a Female Led Relationship or a Wife-Led Marriage.
And it’s the coming thing.