Spousechat Archive Excerpt No. 9
(Editor’s Note: The ninth in a continuing series of samplings from the defunct “Spousechat” message board. Though starting with a rambling confessional posting from a cuckold, this excerpt deals mainly with the religious aspect of matriarchal marriage, especially the provocative postings by "Mr. Louise." The next and final installment will continues the explorations of the religious basis for wife-led marriages.)
ROBERT MOSS
Ms. Lynda: I have been married to a wonderful woman for the past five years. Without ever knowing of spousehood or any specific lifestyle, we settled pretty naturally into our arrangement. We are both professionals and have careers, but my wife is the head of the family. She consults me on many decisions, but her decision is final. I direct deposit my check into our account which is under her name and is controlled completely by her (with a small allowance given to me each week).
She is not physically abusive of me though I do occasionally merit a slap for disobedience or laziness, which she reluctantly metes out. This sounds worse than it is and I tell no one that she ever disciplines me physically, that is between the two of us. After about our third year of marriage I took her last name per her request and am delighted to be known as Ms. and Mr. Caroline Moss.
Somehow, by quirk of our slow progress to her control I got into the habit, first ironic, of calling her "mother" or "mommy" at home when she asserted her control. I found this accelerated her progress towards dominance and so did it more and more, secretly (at first I didn't even know) thrilled that she was becoming the woman I knew she was: proud, dominant, assertive. Yet the metaphor of mothering became so important in our lives that she would have me suckle when she wasn't "in the mood" to have sex. Her wardrobe, too, became more motherly and modest: large white cotton panties replaced sexy thongs. Modest solid and flower print dresses replaced short skirts. Gradually over the years I've learned to relinquish control and no longer flinch when she publicly scolds me, orders my dinners at restaurants, or picks clothes for me at a department store; I've even called her "mother" or "mommy" in front of friends, relatives, neighbors and strangers.
The problem is that as our roles have become more unequal, sex has become scarcer and scarcer, until finally four months ago we had a tearful confrontation. After hours of cajoling her into the truth, she confessed that she felt like my mommy and that she was attracted to stronger more "confident" and assertive men. I tried to pretend not to be hurt and simply did what came naturally: submitted in any way I could - by sobbing that if she needed more I would understand...so long as we could stay together. After that we cuddled a bit and made love. I don't think I fully understood what I was saying that day but I think it came out and awful lot like "permission.
Soon afterwards (about 1 month later) I noticed that, while I still always see her in her mommy dresses and mommy underwear, a secret drawer was/is developing with never-before-seen-in-this-house Victoria's Secret panties and bras. Thongs, see-throughs, silk and sheer, sexy black lace, and all kinds of stockings. The edge of her closet space now has leather pants, tight bosom-revealing blouses, and short skirts, though I never see her in these clothes. She has a new cell phone on a different plan than and secretes away when she gets calls on it. Frankly, after what happened yesterday, I'm sure she's 'dating' or planning to and it kills me that I don't know who it is (though I'm sure I wouldn't like to know either).
Our sex life meanwhile has become tremendous; it's perhaps a combination of her guilt and my desire to be physically loved. Whatever the reasons, our sex, though always one position and one attitude (female superior), has gone up literally sixteenfold. I don't know if I should confront her or consider my marriage saved. She says she is happy with us and even our sex life again, loves me, and wouldn't dream of leaving. When I try to pester her about her new clothes, her phone, or her late nights out, she claims that I should be happy at home, not snoop through her things, and just be obedient or I'm going to get a slap.
Yesterday, however, came the last straw and the most significant moment. She gave me my weekly shopping list. On it, in no special place and without warning, she writes "beyond seven ultra thin 12 pack condoms" even though I got a vasectomy 2 years ago when we decided against children. If I just buy these without any discussion, then I'm just agreeing to be happy with the situation as she defines it, aren't I? I think this is why she decided to do it this way, which I think is sneaky. Don't get me wrong part of me is strangely happy for her. I'm glad she's found somebody to satisfy her physically and I'm sorry it couldn't be just me. Truth be told, I already bought the condoms along with everything else and will probably just slip them quietly into her bag without a fuss, as she expects. It's not worth losing my marriage over. In your estimation can a marriage work with this arrangement? My greatest fear is that she will fall in love with someone else, not that she'll sleep with someone else. Should I just trust her judgment and emotional maturity? She's never let me down before....
Momma's Boy, Robert Moss.
GARRETT
I urge you to be careful! My wife and I have been married for many years and know firsthand how difficult it is to live with cuckoldry. At first I urged her to do it. But as my marital bed was taken over by another,I regretted it for months. She became emotionally attached to her lover, and would not give him up. Soon I was moved into the guest room and made love only to stolen pairs of her stockings, underwear, and shoes. When they broke up she accepted me into her bed again. But to this day she is less thrilled with me sexually and occasionally finds joy outside of our sheets. We survived, but at a high cost.
MS. LYNDA
I am going to write more when I arrive home. However, I do think a marriage like this can be saved. You must discuss these things. You must try harder to make the marriage work. Mr. Lynda and I do not have all the answers. We also do not have a female dominant marriage. We have a matriarchy and a female superior marriage. If I have chastised Mr. Lynda, it was in fun and joking. I get myself into a lot of trouble because I am a very open person. I am not a lesbian, but I do firmly believe in same sex marriages. I would never dress Mr. Lynda in dresses, but, if others wish to do so, I cannot and will not stop it. However, some things do seem to lead to other activities that are not so healthy. For me (and I mean only me and Mr. Lynda), marriage is a sared institution and Mr. Lynda has promised to obey me. He still has a brain and uses it. In fact, we fight quite often over issues. I have the final say. I would not consider it a breach of ethics if he proved me wrong. It takes a BIG WOMAN to admit her mistakes. Thankfully, I do not make too many of them. Good luck.
MR. ELENA
I'm soo tired, I've been cleaning the kitchen all daylong and i think in a couple of hours I'll be finishing my work. My wife arrived home and kissed me and told me she is proud of such a househusband. I think I'm doing it better and I like Ms. Elena giving me her approval. I'm really happy.
MR. BEVERLY
Just before summer our housekeeper of 5 years retired. Throughout the summer my wife and I took turns cleaning and cooking, depending on who had the time.
When the school session started in September, Linda returned to her teaching job. Now the only free time any of us had were evenings and weekends. My job is pretty much a nine-to-five with lots of flexibility. Her teaching job requires many evening meetings or work at home. So when it came to who was going to do the housework, it was easy to see that I was the most logical choice. I told Linda that I would be happy to take over all housework. She agreed...
I scheduled time off work every other Friday afternoon. On those days I spend several hours cleaning. At 4:00 I begin dinner preparations. When she returns home from work on Friday evening I greet her at the door and am freshly showered. In just two months my duties have escalated to picking up every evening before retiring to bed, cooking all evening and weekend meals, laundry, grocery shopping.
MS. LYNDA
For Mr. Lynda and myself, we have defined our roles and feel little need to placate society. I am the BOSS and he loves it that way. Some people who know us feel I am a lifestyle Dominatrix. But I just like being in charge. Mr. Lynda loves being subordinate and submissive. We discuss things. (I almost always have the final say.) Mr. Lynda is a male and he is my servant husband. It is very erotic to appreciate his body and to have him worship mine. We just got married this past summer. Our sex life is very active. I have always enjoyed having a man go down on me and Mr. Lynda spends a lot of time on his knees. We both love it when I sit on his face. We have intercourse about every night.
DANIEL
I do not know much about the Tea Societies in California, but they are popular elsewhere also. I have served as a server in Missouri, Kansas, and Arkansas. For the ones I have served, it was like a formal English tea with butlers to serve the tea and food. However, we were completely naked except for a bow tie and chain necklace. We were not allowed to talk to the women in attendance. They ranged in age from 19 or 20 to 55 or 60. At a smaller tea part in Missouri, the hostess arranged for every woman to have her own tea server. At that party, we had to polish their nails and give them a foot massage before the event. We then went to clean up and get the food ready. After the tea, the servers had to do all the cleaning up. At most of the parties, the hostess has the house in party ready condition before our arrival. In that way, we can concentrate on our service to the women. If you have the opportunity to serve one of these tea parties, jump at the chance. It is a very rewarding experience. I was asked if I was interested in a job as a woman's butler / servant at one of the parties. We are in negotiations now.
MR. LOUISE
I am happy to see a support network like this for men just like myself and strong, capable women like Mrs. Louise. She is a rock and a tower of strength and I'm glad to submit to her in any way I can. We were married last year and were fully aware of our roles before we walked down the aisle. I took her name. No, not secretly and not just on paper. We walked into our reception as Ms. and Mr. D. (her name) and I've never looked back. We are glad we have found a church (Unitarian) and a community (a support group of house husbands) that supports our matriarchal lifestyle. We are sure that Goddess has intended our union to be wife-centered and wife-led. She is the authority I recognize and submit to and in turn she loves, cherishes and supports me. I urge all men to submit completely: not just sexually. That is the easy part. Submit to your wife's discipline (yes, we believe in loving marital discipline), her control over the finances, her right to make decisions with or without consulting you. In our house, this has led to the blessings of matriarchy: greater harmony, peace, and togetherness. Recognize the image of your Heavenly Mother in your wife each day and you will submit naturally and feel good doing it!
JOSEF
Such cases are quite common these days. I am a submissive person by nature and even in our domestic relationship, it is my wife who rules. She is a keen horseback rider and often when she rides, she asks me to walk behind her horse. It is her way of showing to the world her dominant position in our relationship. My wife has become accustomed to giving the orders and expects me to follow her orders. Even among our social circle, she openly displays her superiority and domination over me.
MS. LYNDA
In your group, Mr. Louise, how many men are known by their wife's last name? How many of these men have children? Are they raising the children to appreciate matriarchy?
MR. LOUISE
Most are legally, but all are known that way in our personal group. Only a few couples (five) have had a chance for children yet and, yes, I do believe that all of those husbands are the primary caretaker. They love their beautiful kids (ages between 2 and 12) and teach them about the honor of Mommy's special leadership role and daddy's beautiful and loving submission to Mommy per Mother God's wondrous plan in their lives. I for one firmly believe that in our wickedly male-obsessed society that a boy should be taught to submit to his Mother God and pray each night that She will send to him a Woman to govern him with as much love and wisdom as his mommy has. And, though I know few people agree, I do think boy children should be physically disciplined and punished by their mothers only. And I don't think girls should be physically punished in any way, and least of all by their fathers! A Girl needs room to explore just how God has made her different, and responsible - not just for herself- but for her future husband who, God willing, will serve her faithfully. But boys need boundaries and discipline set exclusively by their mothers, or they'll never learn in our society how to give true submission to their future wives from their deepest heart and soul.
JOSEF
In my case, the whole situation of my wife being the dominant partner came to pass because professionally she held a far superior position than I did, and earned much more money than I did. She is a senior executive at work and is often in a position where she gives instructions to her male and female subordinates. It was natural that she assume the dominant role at home too. I am not ashamed to be called a subservient husband. She has shown me what my position is with respect to her and I have accepted it.
My role is clearly to support my wife's blossoming professional career. With my wife earning much more than I do, she clearly holds the dominant position in the house. Her executive position entails her to a classy membership in an equestrian club. I show my loyalty and subservience to her by walking behind her horse while she rides on the grounds. She gets to prove her supremacy by issuing orders which I follow. In this day and age, it is very important to accept the superiority of a woman and for a professionally successful woman, it is important that her spouse bow down to her and be available to serve her in whatever manner she wants.
MR. LOUISE
Our study group is currently 22 husbands and 3 men with significant others. Of those, about half are younger than their wives/girlfriends about half are older. Ms. Louise is slightly my senior. About one third of the men stay at home full/almost full time. The rest of us work outside of the home at least part time. One of our husbands is his wife's secretary/executive assistant in her own stay-at-home business. One husband is currently involved in a matriarchal multiple marriage with his wife and his best friend, which was a new one to Ms. Louise and myself - she kidded me for weeks about that one (though I found it less funny). I did have to admit, given the history of men and multiple wives, that a matriarch in theory could take on multiple husbands, but reminded her gently that unfortunately for her our country makes the practice illegal.
MS. LYNDA
Thank you for the very inspiring information. Mr. Lynda would love to be part of a matriarchal community. It has been so nice having the posts of Mr. Lisa. It has also been nice to know that we can change things; it was through our discussions that Mr. Lisa decided to become Mr. Lisa in the most formal of ways. We know several men who are doing this. We hope that it becomes more and more. In your group, how many men are known by their wife's last name? I again want to thank you for bringing in the spiritual dimension of the matriarchal family. How many of these men have children? Are they raising the children to appreciate matriarchy? Since it happened to us, we have heard of several couples who have had to adjust their lives to the woman's career since she got the best offers at graduation. As this happens more and more, men will get more comfortable in the supportive position. This summer we had a high school student intern who wants to have a career and a supportive, submissive househusband. More and more women are thinking about these things. Thanks to all of you who are making it happen!
MR. LOUISE
Ms Louise has asked me to write a short description of my spirituality and how matriarchy has helped our lives together. First of all, my spouse support group began as a discussion group at my Unitarian church in the Metro D.C. area. It was a biblical discussion group for husbands of women in leadership roles. Our moderator is a wonderful married deaconess in the church. She teaches the class with her husband who remains silent. We choose to worship God the Mother, Queen, and Creator of Nature. Our study revolves around the Mother's plan for our wives as representing Her; Being the Queen of her household; Being the Mother of our home; The Mistress of our financial lives; the Lady who we serve; and our Teacher/Matron. I can say that many in our group are in various stages of submission to our wives but our goal is to achieve better and perfect submission to our wives. My wife is the absolute center of our home. I have learned complete submission of our finances (though I work, I get an allowance), our home (which means my wife decides all with my loving help, and gives me maternal discipline), and our sex life (which means she decides when, where, and how which for me as for all submissive men is a thrill).
MR. LOUISE
Don't get me wrong sex is very important. Men are very visual in sex and submissive men and often looking for a representation of their mothers to control them. There is no shame in that. For us it means that Ms. Louise dresses very maternally. She does this to thrill me and provoke submission. In her professional life she wears the pants, literally, and sensible flats. Any one of our friends know just what I mean when I jokingly say I am under her skirt and that our marriage is "a petticoat government." They can see her obvious maternal/matriarchal control over our house and accept us. It is no secret. My greatest thrill in our social life is when we have a few friends over and the wives all talk openly to each other and the men are finally lulled by Ms. Louise's dominance and their own wives into quiet, sensible submission. The sound of male quiet during female conversation is the music of a matriarchal home. If I excitedly offer my opinion, Ms. Louise often returns me to my place with a loving chide: "Honey, please, the women are speaking now." And that is the motto of our matriarchy: the women ARE speaking now; men, you've had your chance, and please be silent.
MR. LOUISE
Women have an awesome responsibility in our day and age. The modern world is the era of the female principle. How do we know this? Simple: women are graduating in much higher numbers from college today than men (almost 60%-40%); women are more risk-averse and therefore better investors; women repay their loans at higher rates than men; women live longer, healthier lives; and finally women have gained recognized legal control over their bodies and sexualities (if you don't believe that just consult your local abortion and sexual harassment laws); childless women today earn exactly what men do. Also, modern men are increasingly encouraged to display and love the female in themselves: being in touch with one's feminine side, respecting your mother, respect for and comfort with your body, knowing how to nurture, being gentle and kind, and being morally refined. I think this is all for the best.
Now boys, if you will excuse me, I'm going to go and draw Ms. Louise a nice, long hot bath with rose hip and sandal wood oil and fix her tea. She's spent all night at the office and is waiting for my attention. I, as I hope all matriarchal men, would rather wash and massage her body, shave her legs, get her silky robe, spray her aroma therapy, put on her soft music and just listen to her day over chocolate and sparkling wine than almost anything else in God's world.
MS. LYNDA
Your posting is so sweet. It is good to know that there is a real community out there. Mr. Lynda and I feel like missionaries sometimes, and we have people who know and support what we are doing. Also, it is good to hear that your matriarchal marriage defies limits, but is a total thing in all areas. That is what Mr. Lynda and I strive for in our life. The concept of matriarchy is total in all areas, not just career or sex. Thank you for your writing.
(End of Spousechat Archive Excerpt No. 9 – to be continued)