Spousechat Archive Excerpt No. 8
(Editor’s Note: This eighth in a continuing series of samplings from the “Spousechat” message board continues the discussion of matriarchal marriage, primarily between Ms. Lynda and Mr. Lisa, but with several others contributing.)
MR. LISA
Last night, as I was cleaning the kitchen, I was thinking to myself, what more can I do for my wife. I do so much for her now, but I want to do more. What other ways can I pamper her and make her life easier? Any ideas?
MS. LYNDA
I admire you very much because you have helped Mr. Lynda realize he is not the only supportive, househusband to an executive, working woman. When I looked at your latest posting, I was touched. I am happy you want to do even more for Ms. Lisa. However, ask if she is happy first. You may need to take some classes at a local college so you are able to have even more serious discussions with her. I do not know what you look like, but, you may want to work on how you look. Just as some men want a "trophy" wife, Ms. Lisa might want a "trophy" husband that all women envy. (You may even further the cause by your handsome demeanor. If people know you chose to be subordinate to Ms. Lisa that might make things even more appealing.) As Mr. Lynda and I create our little spot in the universe, we both feel that each must do their own thing. While the other person to respond to you has suggested a sexy nightgown, I want Mr. Lynda to always be manly. It makes me feel even more powerful to know that a manly man submits to me. However, each to their own. This is only my opinion.
I have one more idea. Just as some men enjoy the public adoration of their wives, I think I will enjoy the very public adoration of Mr. Lynda when it becomes even more popular to do so. At the present time, we must be very discreet because it is still not the norm that a man stays home while the wife works and that a man would take the wife's name as his own. As people become more comfortable with our life, it would be nice to have Mr. Lynda admit in public that it is my earnings that supply the life, that I am the boss at home, and that he enjoys being a corporate spouse. You men are showing great courage doing what you are doing. The day may come when we can celebrate it even more. I hope the day comes when men like Mr. Lisa serve parties like he has done for Ms. Catherine and Ms. Lisa and it will be no big thing. It will be what should happen because the man has the time to prepare and serve a great party. Women have been doing it for centuries. Good luck!
MODERN DAY AMAZON WOMAN
I am a modern day Amazon because I feel it is becoming a woman's world and I revolted during college. I sought out a weaker man who would cater to me. I have never laid a hand on my husband, but, he knows I could defeat him so quickly and make him my slave. He serves out of fear and out of respect. Both work for me. Like Ms. Lynda and Ms. Lisa, I make it easy for Jim to submit to me because I do love him. By the way, while it is no big thing, Jim also took my last name when we married. I tease him about being Mr. Amazon Warrior/Woman.
ANONYMOUS MALE
My wife is a very meek and quiet person, as I am myself. Also, I am physically much stronger than she. Nevertheless, I know there is an Amazon down inside of her. The times when she has given me an "order" (subtly disguised because of the children) my heart has trembled. If only she knew the power she has over me and would wield it for the good of our home! I have told her this, but still she neglects to use it as much as I need. I am quite the beast apart from the taming influence of Woman.
We have our own business adjacent to our home so we both stay at home. It is a seasonal business so sometimes we are pretty slow. When we updated our corporation license recently I put her down as president, while I took the title of secretary-treasurer.
MR. LISA
There are many men who are beginning to realize that a woman's place is in charge and in control. I've been busy the past two days putting most of Lisa's summer wardrobe away and getting her fall wardrobe ready. This means lots of laundry, ironing and trips to the dry cleaners. Also, soon Lisa will be back to wearing pantyhose as the cooler weather comes, so this morning she gave me a shopping list which required a trip to Victoria's Secret to get her four pair of pantyhose (Lisa really likes their pantyhose, although at $14 a pair, I think they are expensive). I approached the counter and told the saleswoman why I was there, and of course, she smiled and thought it was great. Two customers at the counter also thought it was fantastic that my wife sent me out to buy her pantyhose. The four of us had a conversation about my situation, my duties, and my status as a househusband. Each of these women thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. When I mentioned that my wife had a real estate agency, one of the women asked if I had one of her cards (which I always carry). So I gave this woman a card since she is in the market for a home. Then it was off to the hair salon to get Lisa's shampoo and styling gel. I usually dread going there because the woman who owns and runs this salon likes to tease me and embarrass me. Also, I made the mistake of going there after Victoria's Secret, so I walked into the salon with the VS bag. The salon owner, of course, was there and was at the desk when I walked in. She saw the bag and said, loudly I may add, "Oh, it's you, the little househusband, how are you? Aww, did she send you out to buy her underwear?" I nodded yes. "Let me see what you bought her" she said, so I handed her the bag. "Oh, pantyhose, isn't that nice?" she said. It was a slow day, so several of the stylists were standing at the desk, they all were giggling and smiling and making little comments. Finally she just said to me "We love teasing you, you know that, don’t you?" And of course I replied yes. I made my purchases and came home. Now that I'm thinking about it, being teased like that by these very attractive women was very exciting. Usually it isn't, but today, for some reason, it is. I wonder why?
MS. LYNDA
I always enjoy reading your postings since you help Mr. Lynda accept his role more easily; I wish you were able to comment more often. However, I am also very glad that Ms. Lisa keeps you busy. While I really do not like to see anyone put down and humiliated, I do enjoy those times when men are given the experiences that women have had for years. Now, I have a confession. I have forgotten your name Mr. Lisa. To me, you are always Mr. Lisa, and I cannot remember your male name. The other day, I called my husband Mr. Lynda in front of friends because my mind went blank and I could not remember his male name. (I was very tired. It came back to me within a nanosecond.) He just laughed and said he enjoyed it! I enjoyed it too.
MR. LISA
Ms. Lynda, although the experience at the salon was somewhat humiliating at the time, after I left I found it exciting. Even now a few days later, it is exciting to me and I almost can't wait to go back. In a way, I guess I was happy to entertain the women there. You are correct, women have been objectified for years and now it's our turn. As far as my name, it's an honor to be known as Mr. Lisa, and the fact that you call me only by this name is a constant reminder to me of my place. Thank you.
YesMyGoddess
Being objectified is fairly harmless and in a strange way it makes me feel kinda appreciated. My female friend who suggested I use this silly nick on the board has a habit of leering at me from time to time. We have a somewhat flirtatious relationship anyway. At work I've been stared at, whistled at, groped and just short of being violated by women. I usually tell them "thank you so much! It doesn't happen nearly often enough!" and they get as big a kick out of the whole incident as I do. LOL
It is interesting how the tables are turning. I used to think a man's only worth was from his abilities. Now, it seems we're being gauged on our appearance too the way women have always been.
[Mr. Lisa: “…being teased like that by these very attractive women was very exciting”]
Exciting to read too! (and I'm a bit envious) With the comment "We love teasing you, you know that don’t you?" she is showing that she has accepted your position with women and enjoys reinforcing it. I expect the teasing will continue, probably in a more playful way, from now on. Think of yourself as an advertisement, in this hair salon, of how a woman-focused marriage can be.
Who knows? Maybe one of the patrons, years from now, will stop you on the street and say "Thank you - what an inspiration you've been to me! I've used your relationship as a model for my own, teaching my husband how to properly serve me. Please give my phone number to your wife - I'd love to thank her as well."
MR. LISA
I asked Lisa yesterday if there was perhaps something more I could do for her to make her life easier. She told me that she really hates shaving her legs and that if I could come up with a system to do it for her, it would be great. I’ve done it before for her, but never on a routine basis. It's not practical for me or for her to do it while she's in the shower, so I was thinking if anyone had any ideas it would be appreciated. What I want to do is to turn it from a chore to a relaxing pampering experience for her each morning.
JASON
Mr Lisa, I'm not sure what your morning routine is like right now or what Ms. Lisa's preferences are like. However, you might consider starting a morning bathing routine (instead of a shower). You could get up a little earlier and fill the tub with warm water and bubble bath, then wake her when everything is ready. You could even greet her at bedside with a nice fluffy robe and help her to the tub. From there, she could lay back and relax while you took care of her shaving (and perhaps other cleaning). This way, it would almost be an extension of her sleep. You could even get a blow up pillow for her! If she likes music...get a waterproof radio. By the time she wakes up completely, she'll already be smooth, clean and ready to start her day. What do you think?
MR. LISA
Jason, that's a good idea and I've done it to help her relax, but the mornings are too hectic and she's always in a hurry. I was thinking of doing it on a massage table right after her shower. She could lie down and relax for a few minutes, while I shaved and lotioned her legs for her. This would probably take no more than ten minutes, but it would save her an equal number of minutes in the shower, plus relieve her of this tedious job. We already have a massage table in her spa room that I could use. Does this sound practical?
MS. LYNDA
[This is directed to Ms. Lisa] Ms. Lisa, I have never met you, but I feel such a strong bond between us. through the information Mr. Lisa given us over the past few months, I feel you are helping set new directions for family relationships. I have learned a lot in how to treat Mr. Lynda. A friend told me that I had totally dominated him and turned him into a pussywhipped husband bent on pleasing his wife. At first, I was offended because Mr. Lynda is intelligent, has a mind of his own, and chose his role with complete freedom. It is true that I would have postponed our marriage had he not consented to my demands, but, he chose freely. Then, I realized that as long as I love Mr. Lynda, it is perfectly fine to dominate him, making him subordinate to me so that my career can blossom. I could have done it without you, but it has been much more fun hearing how you direct Mr. Lisa's life. And you owe it to Catherine. I demand that Mr. Lisa show you this post. LONG LIVE THE SISTERHOOD OF WOMEN IN CHARGE!!! Thank you, men who support us with your subordination. Keep writing and tell us us about your life. And Ms. Amazon Warrior Woman, please keep posting. I am sure you can make any man shake in his boots and obey you.
JASON
I just wanted to send a message to let everybody know how thrilled I am to have found a board like this! I'm a 25 y/o male that was raised in a very loving household that just happened to be matriarchal. My sister has always been my best friend, and my mother is definitely the one with the final say. I've worked for male and female employers, but prefer working for females. In my experience, women are a lot more capable of giving strong direction without being distant or impersonal. I am employed by a female now, and love my job.
I've been searching for years to find a woman that not only accepts, but is actually supportive of a male with a softer side - a male who would enjoy being a househusband to a successful and assertive woman. There is admittedly a sexual element to taking on the role of a househusband (at least for me). However, this isn't my primary motivation. I am a tender, sweet, loving guy who wants to take care of his wife and pamper her. I want to do more to support her career than what is generally expected from men. I want her to be able to thrive in her career, and know that she can come home to a clean house and a delicious warm dinner. I want her to be able to succeed in her professional life, and properly enjoy the fruits of her labor in her personal life. I adore women, and applaud all of the women on this board for chasing their dreams.
I would love to hear from women that are interested in such a man. While I'm not a pro at cooking and cleaning, I definitely want to learn. I can hold my own when it comes to dishes, laundry, and basic cleanup ... but could use some help when it comes to the scrubbing and mopping. I can make some mean desserts, but would need to read a couple cookbooks before I'd consider myself a cook. I'm college educated, and I'm good at taking direction. Are there any women in the Midwest/Michigan that find this attractive and desirable? I would love to hear from you.
JASON
I am currently working for a nonprofit organization. It is a small office, and we work closely. However, my boss is happily married to a husband who is extremely supportive of her career (though he has a career of his own). I haven't asked my sister or mother for help, but they have tried to "hook me up" with friends in the past. These relationships didn't work out for other reasons, but it was clear that they were my superior and I enjoyed that element of the relationship. Thank you for your show of support. I will continue my hunt for a woman who would enjoy a subordinate househusband.
MS. LYNDA
Here are my expectations of my husband. I want him to put me first. I want him to support my career in any way I see fit so that I progress as quickly and easily as possible. I want to proclaim my leadership to the public in ways that men have always done. This includes having him take my name in marriage and have our family known as Ms. and Mr. Lynda (My Last Name). I want him to pamper me and wait on me hand and foot. We can discuss things, but, I am the final say. He accepts my decisions. I do not want to be as cold as the men I see, but I want to be the boss, I want lots of oral sex, and I want him to enjoy his role. Yes, I want slavish devotion. I want to be the envy of every woman I know. I want to start setting standards that can be copied by many more career women and their supportive househusbands. I want to be a part of a new era that has begun with women like your Lisa. I want a matriarchal clan to stand beside the old patriarchal clan with no apologies. How is that for starters?
MR. LISA
Like I said before, you are much like Lisa. What you are achieving is setting a new standard for relationships between men and women. Matriarchy will become the standard, it will take a long time, neither you and will be here to see it, but we know that we have played a part in it by the way our households are organized and run. Women such as you are destined for success, and your husband should do everything he can to further your success. From what I have read, he will. He will pamper you, he will wait on you hand and foot, and he will put your needs and wants first. As your marriage and relationship progress all of this will become second nature, it will become your norm and women will envy you. I know I hear it all the time.
Just this past Saturday, for example, Lisa was trying on some skirts at an expensive department store. It was crowded and I was following her around as she nonchalantly handed me the items she wanted taken to the dressing room. Two younger women in their twenties observed what was happening and asked my wife how she got me to do this and where could they find someone like me. The women then had a ten-minute conversation about matriarchy and Lisa's philosophy, while I stood silently in the background holding the skirts Lisa wanted to try on. As their conversation ended, one of the women, acknowledging me for the first time, looked at me and said "so does he have any brothers?" They all laughed and Lisa and I continued shopping. It's great when we can go out in public and show people, especially young women, what a matriarchal relationship is.
JASON
My family was matriarchical in a somewhat subtle manner. My dad was the "bread winner" and my mom took my dad's last name at marriage. The matriarchy was established by who was responsible for making important decisions...who had the last word and took charge in the family. It was further established by the delegation of responsibilities by my mother. She assigned chores to the entire family (sister and father included). While the matriarchy was subtle, and there WERE some "old fashioned" elements, I think that relationships like theirs helped to pave the path for the stronger matriarchies that are being seen today. Because of the sexual elements of my interest, I've been reluctant to make my interests too explicit to my sister or mother. However, it is clear to them that I believe in a matriarchy and don't have the macho hang-ups of other men. This is also made clear through my views on the world and the way that I've treated all of my girlfriends. My father has always been very happy with his role in the family, and I'm sure that he would be supportive of my interest. I would have no problem taking my wife's last name from a personal standpoint, but it would take a huge leap of faith to go through with it. I am the last male in my family with my last name, and I'm pretty sure that my extended family would disapprove (my extended family is a lot more traditional that my immediate family). Even still, I understand the importance of this leap of faith and would not deny my wife this show of dedication if it was important to her. Again, I would keep an open mind and take the lead from my wife. Thank you for your show of support for my beliefs. I think that a world where the women were rulers and men were the subordinate spouse would be a much more peaceful and balanced world. Men have tried and failed for years now (look at the current state of affairs for plenty of examples). It's about time that women were given the chance. Bravo to you for showing your men how life SHOULD be lived! If only all men were so lucky.
MR. LISA
I agree that the tides are changing and a world where women rule is an inevitability. It is our responsibility to nurture this idea and help make other men know that there is nothing wrong with women being in charge. In fact, it should be emphasized how much better things would be if this were the case. Perhaps a more ideal picture than the one that you painted, would be one where women didn't have to worry about vanity if that wasn't important to them. They would not be judged by their beauty, but by their intelligence, success, and character (it seems that some men have lost sight of the importance of a strong character). The men, on the other hand, would be responsible for looking good for their wife and making sure that she is happy.
MR. ELENA
The fact that you KNOW that you're not being a good househusband is a nice start. Make sure that you are honest with your wife, and remember that she knows what is best. Stay focused on keeping her happy, and you won't go wrong!
LEGS
Bravo! I love to see other men like myself who adore ALL women, not just those that they are "obligated" through relationship to adore. Not all women have a male s/o, nor do they necessarily WANT one. Nevertheless, we should try to be supportive of them and help when we can. Being subordinate to an aggressive and assertive woman is a reward in and of itself. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only person who recognizes this.
Please keep the responses/questions/comments/suggestions coming. You've all made my day! This site has already made it in my "Top 10" of bookmarks, and you can be assured that I'll be checking in regularly.
HH IN WAITING
Jason, What is your father like? Could you have a deep conversation with him and tell him how much he has been a positive role model for you and that you want to take any relationship one step further? How does your mother rule the family? Does she demand servitude from all of you, or is he just the "boss" at home?
KELLY
I had to become a househusband. When we graduated from college, my wife got the better job offer and I followed her. I fully intended to put my degree to work, but the area did not allow for me to find a job that fit my education. I did do some odd jobs and did become a "Kelly Girl" for a short period of time. Then, I followed my wife to Denmark and only one of us could get a work permit. I remained at home and helped foster her career. When we returned to the U.S., I was used to being the supportive spouse. It has continued. My wife makes good money, and I make a good home. What may have bothered me in the beginning does not bother me now. This has proven to be a wonderful life.
(End of Spousechat Archive Excerpt No. 8 – to be continued)