As noted in several recent posts, we have a set of rules within Nancy’s family that governs how men are to behave. The list originated with Nancy’s Grandmother, Mother and Aunts, who were all heads of household and wanted to make it clear to their men what was acceptable behavior. The basis is that women deserve respect and courtesy. The resultant list of rules, known as “The Protocols,” has grown considerably both as a result of the Women seeing the need for new rules and the men themselves making suggestions. Many outside of Female led relationships don’t understand, but men love the structure that rules provide in a relationship. Things are spelled out and as long as men toe the line, there are no issues. The Protocols are rather broad and include, but are not limited to, the following:
The Primary Protocols
· The Protocols are the written embodiment of Female authority and are to be followed to the letter! There is no excuse for noncompliance.· Only Women can establish, alter, or negate The Protocols.
· Women make the rules; men follow them.
· men are permitted to suggest additional rules they feel would better improve their performance; women can accept, reject, or modify these as they see fit. If seen fit, the new rule becomes part of The Protocols and is extended family-wide as a means of ensuring consistent male behavior.
· Through the journals they are required to keep, men can suggest new Protocols or enhancements to existing ones, but men are not allowed to petition for the removal or easing of any Protocol; doing so is a cause for discipline.
· men questioning the validity of a Protocol are subject to discipline.
· men will maintain a listing in a dedicated book of all Protocols for their reference; entries will be in ink using cursive writing.
· The Book of Protocols will be kept in a place of honor where it is readily available; Women, of course, can consult the Book of Protocols.
· When a new Protocol is established, men will be informed and receive appropriate instruction; they are required to enter this new Protocol into their dedicated book as well as into their daily journal. Doing this indicates they recognize their obligations under the new Protocol.
· New Protocols will be communicated to the Women of the Family for incorporation into their Protocol Book.
· men are expected to know The Protocols and can be questioned on them at any time.
· men are required to understand that The Protocols are for their benefit and are to be committed to following them.
· men are required to support other men in upholding The Protocols and correct them when necessary. A Protocol failure on the part of one man is the fault of all present and appropriate punishment or loss of privileges may follow for all
· Women have the right and obligation to correct, reprimand, and/or administer discipline to any man violating The Protocols even if that violation is unintentional.
· If men observe another man violating The Protocols, being disrespectful to Women, holding any of the Protocols in contempt, or behaving in any way that would be contrary to the wishes of the Women, he is obligated to bring this to the attention of the Women, whether or not the Women are family members
· men are forbidden to discuss the personal lives, behaviors, etc., of any Woman.
· men are obligated to discuss the personal lives, behaviors, etc., of any man to his Wife; She will determine the appropriate dissemination of information provided by Her husband
· men are required to support other men in upholding The Protocols and to correct them when necessary. A Protocol failure on the part of one man is the fault of all present and appropriate punishment or loss of privileges will follow for all.
Everyday Protocols
· men are to speak only when spoken to or when asked for a comment.
· men must address women with appropriate courtesy—“Yes, Ma am!” or in whatever way a woman prefers, “Yes, Aunt Jane,” “No, Mrs. Smith,” “Madame!”
· men must respond immediately when summoned by a Woman and present themselves for service with a “Yes, Ma am” and a stoop and bow.
· men must wear an apron when doing housework and at any time they are serving women.
· men must learn how each Woman wants Her tea, coffee, or whatever Her preferred drink and always be prepared to serve it to Her whether She is in residence or visiting.
· men must serve tea, coffee, and drinks using the established formal method; casual service is not appropriate and will not be tolerated.
· men must learn the proper way of lighting a cigarette for a Woman.
· men must maintain, at their own expense, an ample supply of the preferred cigarettes for the Women in the household and for Female family visitors and friends.
· men are permitted to smoke only when given express permission by a Woman; men cannot ask permission to smoke no matter the circumstances; it is a privilege that must be unilaterally extended by a Woman.
· men are permitted to drink only when given express permission by a Woman; men cannot ask permission to drink no matter the circumstances; it is a privilege that must be unilaterally extended by a Woman.
· Since men have a primary duty of service, their drinking is restricted to personal time when specifically permitted.
· men are expected to send, at their own expense, personalized birthday and holiday cards to Women within the family.
· men are not permitted to answer the phone, as this detracts from their domestic duties; if a Woman answers the phone and determines that a man can take a call, she will direct him to a phone and has the option of staying on the line to monitor that call. In no circumstance should a man be on the phone for more than five minutes, no matter the reason.
· Housework is the responsibility of the man and he will perform it to the satisfaction of the Women on the schedule they establish.· Women manage the finances and control the money.
· men should keep a diary of their activities, suggestions, Protocol changes, and of key dates, anniversaries, names of boyfriends, cigarette, drink, perfume, preferences, etc.; diaries are not private and can be read by the Women at any time.
Again, this is not a complete list but representative of The Protocols in place in Nancy’s family; these may be used as a model for a similar effort by others.
–dennis