[Note from Mark Remond: Back in the fall of 2009 I published three posts* on “the theory and practice of punishment in female-led relationships,” a topic I had carefully tiptoed around for several years in my books and blog in order to emphasize the romantic, courtship nature of female- and wife-led relationships and Loving Female Authority. But, as I wrote in that initial post on Sept. 9, “Clearly, ‘Loving Female Authority’ presumes a Loving Female vested with the Authority to enforce her will on her guy. Likewise, a Female- or Wife-Led relationship requires a male who follows the woman’s lead. As in any leadership structure, there must be incentives for good performance and disincentives for poor performance, for not following directives. And, in an FLR, it is she who must be empowered to administer those ‘disincentives,’ i.e., penalties or punishments.” Recently I was contacted by a Parisienne, calling herself Hélène, who posted some informative and provocative comments to these old posts of mine. I am happy to report that Hélène has now accepted my invitation to share with my readers some “scenes from her FLR”and her thoughts about discipline as an essential element of Loving Female Authority. As such, she will be “pushing the envelope” of what has thus far appeared on this blog; but I believe that she does so with an eloquence and sensitivity that will be understood and appreciated by the majority of my readers. At least I certainly hope so! And I hope that Hélène will continue contributing her thoughts to this Wife Worship website.]
PARIS—Here are some scenes from our FLR. I take discipline very seriously in my house, and I think it really helps cement our amorous relationship. My boyfriend and I first dated when we were in our teens. I had to leave France to attend school at the time, but when I returned to Paris I found him just as handsome and just as interested in a relationship as when I left. So keep in mind that there are two time periods discussed. It's also important to realize because his inexperience greatly helped in establishing a steady discipline routine.
Our First Home Date
Bringing the boy to see your place is an experience all couples relate to, FLR or not. Because of circumstances it was easier for me to bring him to my place, so I did. I brought him over on a Saturday night as I was tired from work and really did not feel like going out. I brought him home, and wanted to see what he would do. We had been dating a bit, I should say, but this was our first in-home experience. So I took off my coat, scarf, shoes, and he right away picked them up and put them on the hook. Then I pulled him close, teased him a little bit, and swatted his bottom into the living room, at which point I decided to take a shower.
I showed him where the kitchen was and said, “I'm going to take a shower. Why don't you get a little dinner ready and I'll be out soon?” I swiped his butt into the kitchen and disappeared into the shower, and you know what? He did it. A good dinner, too. I took a really long shower, to see how patient he could be. When I came out, he seemed a little eager to be together, but I was not ready, so I went into my bedroom and got dressed, and then came out to eat my dinner. It was delicious, and I was quite happy with it. Punishment
When I first whispered into his ear, “Behave, or I'll have to discipline you,” he looked surprised, as if he couldn't believe what I was saying.I have a running journal of sorts on my computer about my relationship. In this journal I have a “Men’s Bill of Rights” where I jot down and ask myself what is good for and detrimental to my man. I think a man's number one right is to firm, consistent and effective boundaries. Men have a hard time with self-control. It helps them feel secure to know the female in whose care they are can lovingly take on this responsibility, and it is essential that he feel protection from his own innate foolishness.
The first time I spanked him it was for something minor. After coaxing me several times, he kept trying to reach up for my breast. I wanted this bad little habit nipped in the bud. Frustrated and annoyed, I sighed and unzipped his trousers, pulled them down along with his boxers and walked quietly—and calmly—into my bedroom and brought out my paddle. It’s a plain wooden paddle, nothing fancy, but it is my prime disciplinary tool for boys. I stood in front of him, with his scared face looking up at me. He was still lying on the sofa when I said, “Bend over, with your knees on the floor and your arms over the sofa cushion.”
I saw him begin to shake, and some mild pleading followed. He did not really think I would do it.
“Either you get into the position or you will receive a much higher number of spanks,” I said. Slowly, reluctantly, he got to his knees, and I delivered thirty hard, firm spanks to his bottom.
Every woman's leadership style is different, and every boy is different. But in my
experience, I hear far too much of “at first my husband got an erection.” Ladies, please. When you are in the position of disciplining your boy, make sure you deliver a spank so hard it makes him cry the first time.
It’s important to let boys to know that we care about them, and that we care about their progress as men. Spare the rod and spoil the boy should be our motto in guiding our men to their better selves. I’m not usually one for assigning numbers during discipline. In my relationship, it’s until I think you have learned your lesson. We really need to guide men in their behavior, and males are physical beings. They need to know there is a direct, painful consequence for slipping in their responsibilities. Remember, it’s not just about punishment, it’s about guiding your man to be successful in his gender, and you are responsible for that.
By the time I was finished, my boy was bawling. Hot tears ran down his face. He had experienced physical discipline before, so he already understood why this was happening. After finishing, I asked him, “Now, do you know why you were punished?”
In this case he didn't, I went on to explain it to him: “There is no relationship if you don't listen to me. Do you understand?”
He nodded, wiping tears from his face. He was young, and still trying to hide tears. So I continued, taking him gently in my arms and looking down at him. His bottom really hurt—it was so red—and he was struggling to pull up his trousers and underclothes.
“I know, it hurts a lot, but if you had listened to me, you would not have gotten punished. Do you see now why you have to listen to me? I just can’t let you do something that's not good for us.”He nodded again and began to calm down.
“Now go into the bedroom, take off your clothes, fold them, and wait for me. We're both going to have some time to calm down. And when I come into that room, I expect you to be lying on that bed. Are we going to have any more problems with not listening?”
He shook his head, and did as he was told.
In my next post I will discuss consequences for severe infractions.
— Hélène