(Note from Mark Remond: For almost a year, from July 2012 until May of this year, this blog was in the capable hands of a guest blogger, Ms. Nancy, and her adoring and dutiful spouse, Dennis. (You can read more about them in my introduction to their first guest post here.) For more than 25 years Nancy and Dennis have been not merely advocating, but evangelizing for female led relationships. Alas for me and my readers, Nancy ceased her guest-posting here in July, citing career commitments amid other factors, but I am delighted to announce that she and her mother (who jointly govern their female led household) have now given permission for Dennis to write occasional guest posts from his unique perspective of a husband and son-in-law completely devoted to female leadership. This is the first in what I hope will be an ongoing series.)
With increasing numbers of men staying at home to take care of the house while their more qualified wives assume professional positions in the workplace, there is an increasing need to train men to properly keep house. Asking an average man to clean the living room will likely result in his spending five minutes running the vacuum and calling the job done. Women don’t see it that way; they want perfection and to get it they’re going to have to train their men.
So, how to do this? Well, a woman’s mother or aunts can do some training. In my case, my wife’s mother and her aunt trained me on weekend visits to their homes. Another way is to farm your man out to a local woman-owned cleaning service; they can always use the extra help and he’ll not only learn how to clean house, but how to do it efficiently. I was trained this way when Nancy’s mother arranged for me to work for her friend Mary at her company, Mary Maids. A third way is emerging—formal training in housekeeping specifically aimed at stay-at-home-husbands. And I’ve gone through this type of training, too. Yes, I’m well trained and proud of it!
Women have been excited about Housekeeping 101 since it gives their men needed skills without the women having to be involved in the training. Men are initially hesitant but always come to enjoy the program and appreciate how it will help them please their wives. Only the serious need apply, however. Housekeeping 101 is NOT game playing; it's hard work, and to this end, the tuition is purposely expensive—$125, non-refundable. It’s strongly suggested that men pay the tuition and additional fees from their personal funds or allowances ensuring that they’ll appreciate the training all the more.
Paying tuition and fees takes place before the first day of class and isn’t simply about writing a check. There is a little required ritual where men present cash to the women of the admissions committee using a pastel envelope specifically for that purpose. Tuition, paid in full, is required before the first day of class. The monies due are typically much more than a man in an FLR has access to, so he usually has to borrow from his wife.This is a good thing! In my case I borrowed from Nancy’s mother. It took me two years to pay her back, including the 30 percent interest she added to the loan. Having to ask reinforces the FLR and reminds a man who’s in charge. In addition to tuition, men are expected to make a generous donation to at least one of a suggested list women's groups. They must prove they made the donation and their donations must be judged as appropriate by the center’s board of directors. Most men elect to make a donation directly to the women’s center to support its activities.
Applicants must be nominated by a woman, have demonstrated Feminist credentials, and have a demeanor that predicts success in the program. We are looking for progressive gentlemen who want to put on an apron and do housework. And we get them. The majority of men taking the course are in or aspiring to the FLR lifestyle. All applicants have to go through an application process that includes submitting a written application, writing an essay on an assigned topic, and an interview with the women’s center admission committee. Men can be rejected and no reason need be given; the $125 application fee, as I said, is not refunded.
The week before class starts, a three-hour orientation is conducted during which students meet their faculty members and introduce themselves. The fee for orientation is an additional, nonrefundable $125. During orientation men meet the faculty and learn that obedience is a must—yes, Ma'am! They learn the details of the course and what is expected of them. One of the expectations is that men will carry themselves in a prim manner. We’re not talking effeminate; we’re talking formality and attitude. One of the instructors lectures the men on their attitude, explaining that they should conduct themselves as though they were serving the Queen. Well, in a way, they are! Prim and proper is the order of the day; simply doing housework isn’t enough, one must exhibit enthusiasm for the domestic tasks at hand.Men supply their own cleaning supplies as dictated by the faculty and MUST wear an apron. The course provides each man with a valuable reference book, including useful checklists such as the “52 Things That Add Up to a Clean Living Room,” lots of hands-on instruction, and an opportunity to put skills into practice.
Housekeeping 101 is limited to eight students and is taught by four VERY demanding women, all in their late 60s and all in FLRs. These Domestic Divas love sharing their knowledge but rarely do housework themselves—their husbands have been doing it for years! The Divas demand perfection, and if a man steps out of line he may find himself whacked with the wooden spoon that each woman carries as her symbol of authority. (Ouch, that hurts!)Classes are conducted on Saturday morning at the center and a practicum is conducted Saturday afternoon. Classes begin promptly at 7:00 a.m. with students at practicum by noon. Classes consist of lectures, demonstrations, and personal instruction. Men are expected to shut up, pay attention, and take notes. There is no talking among students. Students wanting to ask a question raise their hand and, if recognized, use appropriate protocol of, “Excuse me, Madame, but I have a question” and then proceed with the question. If it is deemed appropriate, it will be answered. The women don’t hesitate to scold a student and embarrass him in front of the others if they think it necessary—and they often do.
Coursework runs the gamut of what a student will need to keep a house clean. Each week covers a specific topic—dusting, scrubbing, ironing, washing, and so on, with cooking typically taking three sessions. Recently men received a lesson in vacuuming as well as a lecture from a woman who owns a local appliance store. She demonstrated the latest in vacuum cleaners while the men oohed and aahed at the new technology. Each of the apron-clad students was called out by one by the instructors to try the vacuums on the center’s rugs. The men seemed to compete with each other as they demonstrated their proficiency with a vacuum. Each man in turn used one of the vacuums and provided his assessments to the class; all the men commented favorably about the vacuum they used. Then it was off to work, spending the rest of the morning cleaning the center before going on practicum.
During the Saturday afternoon practicum, students have a visit (supervised by one of the faculty) to a host woman's home. This woman has volunteered her home to allow students to put into practice what they've learned and to gain some housekeeping experience. Upon arriving at the host woman's home, the male student introduces himself and receives any instructions she may have. The woman host is usually a friend of the instructor and the two of them can socialize while the student—or students, depending on the assignment—cleans the house. The student usually finds himself doing general house cleaning, which always includes scrubbing and bathrooms. The remainder of the afternoon will be spent on what she needs done, ironing perhaps. On leaving, students are expected to thank the host woman and provide her a gratuity in a pastel envelope with a note of thanks. A $25 gratuity is the norm.Students and faculty return to the center after practicum and receive homework assignments that the men have to complete before the next session. This can include reading, practical work, and preparation. Preparation for laundry and ironing classes means bringing clothes to be used washed and ironed.
Every week for fifteen weeks a different topic is covered. Dusting, scrubbing, toilets, laundry, and kitchens are pretty straightforward, and most men adapt well to these tasks. Sewing and ironing can be challenging for some, so supplemental work may be required. It’s not uncommon for men to take on extra ironing or mending. Men are tested and specific goals have to be met. To be declared proficient at sewing for example, men have to fix a hem and
sew on buttons and they need to do it quickly; five buttons have to be affixed in three minutes; one doesn’t want to keep a woman waiting!
Finally, there’s an entire session on brewing a great cup of tea or coffee. “Coffee and Tea” includes instruction in properly serving these beverages to his wife and her guests with appropriate decorum. It was added because the faculty realizes that personal service is an essential component of an FLR and wanted to provide some training in this important discipline. “Coffee and Tea” includes discussion of coffee makers, coffees, various teas and how to make these. It also covers proper service protocol, including things such as always serving the oldest woman first, serving from a tray, and serving from the left and clearing from the right. “Coffee and Tea” is the capstone session to Housekeeping 101, and men really enjoy it; they look forward to going home and serving their wives. It’s also a great way to demonstrate acceptance of
The successful completion of the class is celebrated at a graduation dinner for attendees and spouses. Having completed the course, a man will be competent in vacuuming, washing and ironing, cleaning and dusting, maintaining a spotless kitchen, sanitizing the bathroom, and basic cooking and sewing. Women are provided with a schedule of household chores to use in putting their man on an appropriate and ongoing routine of housekeeping.
I was privileged to attend the inaugural session of this course. I've attended on two other occasions, too—the last two times not as a student, but as a “sheep dog,” as the women call me. Everyone knows men are followers, not leaders, and my job is to lead the male students in doing things the women's way. My job as a male participant is to be a good example for the other men in the group and encourage them along. Believe me, if I get up and brag about my new vacuum or about how much I love to iron, the other men will soon be doing the same—oh, yes, men are easy to control and women should be controlling us! I may appear to be “one of the boys” in the class, but I'm really one of the girls in terms of my loyalties and sentiments, and in terms of wanting to bring more men into a life of service. Men doing housekeeping is step one on the way to Matriarchy!
Advanced study – yes! We have a follow-on to “Housekeeping 101,””Gracious Living,” which continues with topics beyond basic housekeeping and includes window treatments, linens and tableware, correspondence and stationery, personal service, and so on. We may discuss this course in future postings.
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