0 DIVA'S LOVING LEADERSHIP: EMBRACING THE LEAD

(Note from Mark Remond: This is a second post slightly abridged and reprinted (with permission) from Diva's Loving Leadership FLR blog. Readers interested in Diva’s other posts, some of them extremely provocative, need only click on the link just above. Thank you, Dree!)

Sept.15 by Dree — I’ve always been a great supervisor; a charismatic follower able to get others to do what leaders want them to do.

In love—until recently—I’ve been the more submissive partner in an otherwise equal relationship. I followed the lead of my lovers, even to the detriment of my own values.

Again until recently, I thought the idea of a woman being the leader in a romantic relationship as distant fantasy; something I would never attain.

That has all changed. I have embraced a female led relationship—in order to save my marriage—and it has been a most interesting experience, thus far.

My Pet was already handling the day-to-day housework and other tasks often seen as woman’s work, including handling and caring for the pets and the younger members of the family.

In the past (my first marriage andpast relationships), I embraced my role as the submissive housewife, I found fulfillment in cooking and cleaning for my family, but it was a lot of work doing all of that and working outside the home.

Until recently, My Pet handled his own finances, until he approached me and offered to hand his earnings over to me. I balked, at first, because I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that kind of responsibility, although, in the past, I had managed the household finances, I also had to fight with my partner to keep his spending in check. My Pet assured me that all future financial decisions would be mine.

The impact of that decision has been amazing. First, in our trust in each other, his trust in my leadership; and obviously, the household finances are much easier to manage, now that I have the complete picture.

Being in control of his free time is also new to me. Having My Pet ask me permission to do simple things has actually been our biggest test.

I’m so used to responding, “Yes, why not?” He has taken for granted that that is exactly what I will say. Playing with the word “No”—in order to train him and train myself to use that word more often—has been difficult. But it’s been necessary.

One of our biggest issues is that he still thinks and behaves the way he believes an Alpha Male should—joking around and not taking my responses to his behavior very seriously. We’ve discussed this several times since I took the lead.

Becoming more demanding, less apologetic and less open to hearing excuses has helped me maintain that control, and it’s apparent that he is beginning to respect that more as time goes on.

Even in the bedroom, he is learning to abdicate his sexuality to me, but only to a point. He was used to having sex whenever he wanted, however he wanted and he was upset when he realized that my leadership plans meant that he could no longer masturbate or frequent porn sites as he’s done in the past.

I tried withholding sex, but he was not interested in being fully chaste; and I learned very quickly that he was losing interest in FLR altogether because he wasn’t getting his own sexual needs met. As I tried to navigate this particular issue, we continued to have some sexual intercourse, but eventually I weaned him to the point where we no longer indulge in anything but sexual pla, for my sake, while only allowing him to masturbate, when I am satisfied.

All the same, we are in a much better place than we were several months ago. He listens more now and is more attentive. I am more vocal about what I want and what I need. Every day we work at defining and even redefining what we each expect from our new roles. As a result our sex life and playtimes are more exciting than ever before. It’s a whole new game, and we are very serious about the further goals we hope to achieve.

I may be new at this, but I know already that embracing the lead has made me a stronger individual, a stronger woman. This new power I seem to have is starting to go to my head. Embracing the lead at home, for instance, is starting to spill over into the way I behave at work. I’m more vocal and more proactive than I’ve ever been, and that feels good.

Thus far, it’s certainly been good for my marriage, as well.