In my previous post I discussed some of my past experiences with my brothers, experiences which gave me confidence in controlling males from an early age. There are quite a few stories to tell about that time in my life, as I went on to discover that I could also twist my boyfriends around my little finger. I remember feeling great pride and satisfaction as they became more docile and respectful to me. This gradually led me to embrace my strongly held beliefs in female authority. By the time I met my future husband at university, the die had been cast, and I was determined that I would start our relationship off on the right track—my track!
I may discuss the training of my husband George in a future post. This is because I do not want to confuse readers into thinking that what I do with him in private in any way relates to how I bring up my children. It doesn’t. For instance, I have never and I will never use corporal punishment on my children, but I do discipline my husband.
In this post I would like to talk about female authority in our family.
I believe the key to a successful marriage and a happy family life is to establish female control from the outset. If the children ask their father for anything, he will always refer them to me. “Asking Dad" happens much less often now, as the children have picked up on the fact that Mum rules the house! My eldest daughter Louise will be 12 this month, and she completely understands that her father has no decision-making rights and has stopped asking him for anything. The twins, Rachel and Ben, are still only 9 and have not fully understood this yet. With our continued guidance they will gradually learn that it is their Mum who gives or refuses permission to do anything. Louise is a big help in this regard. She is naturally bossy and has recently told Rachel not to bother asking Dad for anything as he doesn’t have Mum’s permission to make decisions!
Financial control is a good place to start in a loving female-led relationship, and I did this with my husband before we were even married. The sooner this is done, the better, in my opinion. We have a joint account into which our salaries are paid. George has no access to this account though, as I keep the cards and passwords. I provide him with a weekly allowance, the amount of which is determined each week at the Sunday family meetings (more of about this in the next post).
It is important that a man knows his spending can be scrutinized by his wife at any time. By having his allowance limited, George is unlikely to make frivolous purchases. If he wants to do so for some reason, he must ask me first. I decide whether or not his request is reasonable. In this way George’s thoughts are continually focused on me, every time he opens his wallet.Next is control of the household chores. Quite simply, George does them all! Vacuuming, dusting, cooking, washing and ironing, everything! He only works part time, as my salary is sufficient to keep us in our current lifestyle. Therefore he has plenty of time to do these chores.
Children do pick up on their parents’ behavior. If the parents smoke, it is more likely the children will smoke when they grow up. If they see their parents arguing and fighting, it is more likely that they will do the same and not become valuable members of society.
My children see their father as a happy man who lives in deference to his wife. They see a couple who love one another, and a man who worships his wife and would do anything for her. What better example of family life could we give our children?
Every evening when I arrive home from work, the girls are usually sitting in the living room watching TV while George is cooking. Most often Ben will be with him in the kitchen, perhaps helping to lay the table while they chat together. Ben absolutely adores his Dad!
After we have all greeted and kissed, I make my way to one of the sofas, sit down and start chatting to the children about their school day (Ben has usually joined the girls in the living room by this time). When I sit down, George knows this is his cue to bring me a glass of wine. He then sits next to me on the sofa and what follows is a ritual that we have been doing for many years.
I will turn and put my feet up on George’s lap. He carefully removes my shoes and then gently massages my feet until I tell him to stop. During this whole time we are all still chatting normally as a family. This is seen as perfectly natural by our children. Their father is worshipping their mother by performing this simple, caring task for her.However I have just implemented a variation on this ritual following some email correspondence with another dominant lady who lives in the Netherlands. She also runs a female led household. After returning from my recent business trip, I told George that in future I would require him to sit on the floor, rather than the sofa, when massaging my feet. I could tell by his expression that he was a little surprised at the request, but I simply raised my eyebrows and he did not complain.
The following day when I arrived home from the office, he followed me as usual into the living room and handed me a glass of wine, but then he paused and looked inquiringly at me. I saw his eyes briefly flit between my feet, resting on the floor, and the vacant seat next to me on the sofa. I looked at him sternly and dipped my finger, pointing to the floor. Only he and I saw the gesture, but he understood immediately and sat down at my feet. Amusingly to me, he rested his back against the sofa (for reassurance perhaps?). But, finding this position awkward, he soon turned around so that he could access my feet in a more comfortable manner.
The children were oblivious to all this and simply carried on chatting with us. Apparently seeing their Dad sitting on the floor massaging his wife’s feet was no big issue to them! It was just Dad serving Mum as usual. After about 10 minutes I ruffled George’s hair as I might a child (another tidbit I borrowed from the Dutch lady, although in her instance, it was her daughter ruffling the father’s hair) and said “Okay, that’s enough, let’s go and eat.” Before he got up, George asked me which shoes I would be wearing the following day, so that he could polish them and have them ready for me.
It is my intention going forward to show more openly George's increasing deference to me in all things. The children will pick up on these nuances and gradually learn that female authority is normal and good.
Having recently read a lot of email correspondence from other dominant women, I can’t help feeling that I have been going a little too easy on George. That will be changing from now on. I have big plans for George and one of them is for him to be spending a lot more time on the floor at my feet!End of part 1
Ms. Amanda