Nancy writes: Every now and then I get what I regard as a good response; then there's this one (below), which is perhaps the best response I've ever received on this blog. It was to the previous post, “Toward a Lifelong Female-Led Marriage: Phone Calls, Email & Texting – Taking Control”
The comment was so obviously heartfelt, sincere and yet sad that I wanted to respond in a regular post rather than merely in the Comments section.
First, here is the comment by Anonymous, addressed jointly to me and to Kathy of the femdom101 blog:
*Dear Nancy and Kathy,You both have turned our marriage upside down! We were in a patriarchal relationship for 38 years, and we discovered upon retirement that my wife had opinions and a strong leadership personality. I decided one day to just obey her every command rather than try to continue on an egalitarian, shared leadership style in our retirement.
My wife took to my submissiveness and her being the boss like a racehorse that has finally been allowed to run at her pace and style! We both loved the result of her taking complete control but did not understand the dynamics until I searched the Internet and we found your two blogs. We now realize what we have and are thrilled to discover how great the Femdom-marriage can be! We couldn't be happier in our new roles.I regret one major thing in our life and that is when my mother-in-law was alive and lived with us that I didn’t know the joy of serving and having the opportunity to take orders from her.
Now here is my response:
Dear Anonymous,
Better late than never. We encounter couples who try to share decision-making in their marriages, and it just doesn't work! The woman-in-charge scenario is not only satisfying to women, but to men, too; it's a win-win, as you've both discovered. As I've said many times, men love being told what to do. When they are, it results in the kind of tranquil, satisfying marriage that all men crave. Many women are not inclined to take on a leadership role, but once they do, they, like your wife, really love it! Obedient men are a wonderful thing, as are silent men! Obey your wife and listen when she speaks and your relationship will flourish!
My husband and I are truly sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. Our experience is that mothers-in-law bring a lot to a female-led marriage. My mother was head of her household and was—and is!—a great role model for me. I always seek her opinions. My mother is retired and resides with us. While I'm the boss, she's the family Matriarch, a Goddess in her own right, a wise woman we all respect, a woman my husband worships. Mother is very demanding, and the one who enforces the rules. I work full time and delegate this authority to her; whatever she decides is right. Her aggressive enforcement of rules as well as her adding ritual to our daily routine drives my husband to be his best. dennis loves serving my mother just as I'm sure you would have enjoyed serving your mother-in-law.
Your comment,”"I regret one major thing in our life and that is when my mother-in-law was alive and lived with us that I didn’t know the joy of serving and having the opportunity to take orders from her” is indeed a beautiful sentiment—probably the most beautiful one I've EVER seen on this or any other blog! Please share these emotions with your wife; I'm sure she will appreciate them. Ask her how she thinks her mother might have responded to your being more submissive. Consider serving your wife in this way in memory of your mother-in-law.
N