(Note: This is the second of four postings on "TOWARD A LIFELONG FEMALE-LED MARRIAGE." Part one dealt with "Obedience." To follow, as time permits, will be postings on "Personal Service" and "Atonement.")
Housekeeping - a Gentleman’s Concern
Housework has long been a point of contention in marriages; we did too much and men did too little—if, any! With women entering the workplace and taking managerial jobs, things are changing. Women are demanding that their husbands do more housework—much more! And their husbands are doing it!
So how much housework should a man be doing? How about all of it! Ladies, it’s true! A properly trained man can do all the housework and have a job outside the home, too. My man does. It will take some work on your part to properly train and manage him, but once he’s trained, he’ll do what you want, when you want, how you want it done—AND he’ll enjoy doing it.
Now how much housework he does always depends on what you want. Let's be pragmatic. If the woman has a job and earns the bulk of a couple’s income then he should be doing all the housework—very simple formula here! The opposite however, is NEVER true! Even if he’s the sole source of income, we feel that he should be doing at least 50% of the housework. This is because his doing housework has numerous desirable benefits in any relationship:
- Frees up your time to pursue a career, further your education, go out with friends, or just relax. And don't ignore your just relaxing, it's important!
- Housework keeps him productively occupied; is there anything better he could do with his time?
- Men want to please women, and housework is a great way to let them do that!
- Keeps him at home where he’s not likely to be corrupted by male influences
- His doing a traditionally female task teaches him some humility and recognizes your superiority
- His doing housework shows him who’s boss – You!
Start Early!
A woman-friend has had her boyfriend doing housework for her from the beginning of their relationship. She’s progressively given him more and more to do. Now when he visits he finds things to do without being told. “He enjoys helping me,” she says. When wedding bells ring for this couple, she’ll have him and his expectations where she wants them!
Starting early has other benefits, too. When a man is in an apron cleaning up the kitchen you can look into his soul! When you tell him to do something—yes, tell; don’t ask—you can learn a lot about him by his response. If he refuses or says that it’s ”woman’s work,” don't waste your time, you can move on. Progressive gentlemen, though, are excited by the opportunities to serve that doing housework presents.Train Him!
Most men have little experience with housework and need to be trained. So, ladies, train him! This is one of the best investments you can make. Show him how you want the living room cleaned, the laundry done, the dishwasher loaded, the bathrooms scrubbed, the linens changed, the table set. Be firm with him! Have him work with you the first time and then supervise him as you ease him into the task over a few days. After that he’s on his own and should be doing his work with no supervision. If he wants supervision, he is game playing – don't tolerate it!
You’ll want to periodically check on his work and correct him if thing are not done to your satisfaction. Dennis understands it’s my way or there’s hell to pay! He understands that if things aren’t done right, they’re done over! And over! And over again, if need be. He also understands that things done wrong mean demerits; get enough demerits, and there are consequences!
Women have told me that some men play “difficult-to-train” in hopes of having women give up and do the task themselves. Don't fall for this! Make him do his housework and make him do it right.
Need help with training? Well, think about:
- Get some assistance—outside assistance. In my case I’d loan him to my Mother and aunt who’d put him to work doing housework. They’d show him how to do something and then watch over him while he did it. When he came back after a weekend, Dennis' skills would be a lot better.
- Enroll him in classes – A woman friend enrolled her husband in cooking classes at a local community college; his cooking skills have improved significantly
- Give him a subscription to a woman's magazine that focuses on homemaking. He'll pick up some useful tips he can use around the house. When he sees how useful the magazine is in his homemaking, he'll read it cover-to-cover.
Men Love Routine!
Dennis has a schedule; he washes on Saturday, irons on Sunday, cleans bathrooms on Thursday, scrubs floors on Friday, and shops on Tuesday. He vacuums, tidies up, and looks after mother and me every day. He comes home from work, puts on his apron and gets to work – he knows what to do and he has five minutes from the time he walks in the door to start doing it!
I can be working late or be out of town, and Mother could be out with her friends, but we know that dennis is at home doing what we expect. How long does Dennis work? Well, I get about four hours a day from him on weekdays; much more on weekends. Heavier and more disruptive tasks are scheduled for days when Mother and I will be out for a time; at the mall or spa, for example. Leisure time is built into dennis’ routine, too. As I’ll note later, leisure usually means free time at home or accompanying Mother and me somewhere. I want him to relax, but his free time is at risk if he doesn’t get his work done; housework can spill over into leisure time if he needs to get caught up.
Making Him More Efficient
I’m a business woman and I’m always looking to get more out of what I have. I want the same job and same quality in less time. Why not get more from my man? How do you do this? Well:
- Push him, be demanding! Make him do his tasks in less time. Just a little less time for each task will give him time to do even more.
- Make sure he’s busy; if he’s doing wash there’s a lot of time between loads when he could be dusting or vacuuming. I love to see that feather duster moving and hear that vacuum humming, and he knows it!
- I limit Dennis to in-house tasks. Typical guy tasks take up too much time and aren’t worth it. You can have windows cleaned and lawns mowed for not a lot of money; a full-time maid, though, costs a fortune! Putting my man to work inside is the best use of his time.
- One of the unique things I did to get Dennis to be more efficient was to send him out for a few Saturdays with a maid service owned by a woman I know. The maids clean six houses in an afternoon, so they’re very efficient. Dennis was always exhausted when he came home, but he learned a lot that he put to good use at home.
- I get some of my best suggestions from Dennis! He’s always looking to do more and makes a lot of suggestions on how to improve. He's becoming a real Domestic Diva!
- Men should accept their roles as homemakers and enter a relationship with the expectation of doing much or all of the housekeeping.
- Men should take ownership of housekeeping tasks, which means doing them to her standards without being told.
- Men should realize that their being asked to embrace the homemaker role is a direct result of women gaining their rightful places in the workforce.
- The future is Matriarchy and under a Matriarchy homemaking is a viable career choice for progressive gentlemen.
- He should be open and proud of his role as homemaker. When we're out and my husband is asked what he does, his response is, “I'm a homemaker, but also work outside the home.”
- Women, too, should acknowledge the homemaking roles their husbands have and the benefits this provides their marriage. This can only serve to encourage others to explore and adopt the female-led lifestyle. Progressive gentlemen love being homemakers!
- He should see homemaking as an opportunity to empower his wife and as a new and viable career direction for him.
Oh, and ladies, relax while he’s working—it shows your power when you read the paper while he's taking care of the house!
N