This is in response to a comment on my post “Ideas for Matriarchal Weddings,” in which I mentioned both the wearing and making of aprons by a bridegroom in a matriarchal wedding. Anonymous wondered if I was feminized by Nancy in any way, or if I had a desire to be feminized or to wear feminine things.
This question provides me a convenient entree into a topic I wanted to introduce—men getting actively involved in feminist activities.
Yes, I wear an apron while doing household chores; it's the first thing I put on when I arrive home. Nancy is from a female-led family and men wearing aprons was— is!—a family tradition. I'm now following that tradition. Even if Nancy decided against it, I'm sure that my mother-in-law would insist as she now lives with us and represents an authority figure within our home. As for my style of aprons, I have many, some plain and masculine, and others quite fancy and decidedly feminine.
As for being feminized, neither Nancy onr her Mother feminize me, at least in the popular connotation of the term. Being feminized seems to have a forbidden connotation to it— and it shouldn't. Women have crossed the gender divide in their dress and interests for years and have not been criticized for doing so. Men going the other way have not fared as well.
Feminist writers have made the critical observation that, in emulating men in dress and interests, women are paying tribute, of sorts, to the so-called “superior” sex. On the other hand, men who have taken women's clothes and interests are ostracized because they are emulating the “weaker” gender. Both these behaviors are not only sexists but patently patriarchal.
Now consider that women are getting the majority of college degrees, have a lower unemployment rate, are increasingly represented in the professions and are gaining at the executive level. What now on feminization? If we migrate toward a matriarchy—and we are!—with women gaining recognition as the superior sex, are more and more men going to emulate women in their dress, interests and manner? It's an intriguing question.
Now let’s look at feminization in another context—being a man in a female-led relationship and secure enough in himself to cross the gender line to enjoy activities, hobbies, mannerisms, etc., traditionally associated with women.
In my case, following the example of women in our family, I, too, send out cards and handwritten notes on fancy stationery to mark special occasions, birthdays, etc. I enjoy accompanying my wife, her mother and friends to the ballet and enjoy being attentive to them when we are out. I enjoy various crafts as well as a good romance novel.
I don't consider myself feminized but rather as objectively reaching across gender lines to embrace things that I see as having value. I think I've done the same with my embracing a female-led relationship, hardly something a patriarchate would call “masculine.” One feminist philosopher wrote that woman do not need to give up their options for dress, makeup, etc., as a precondition to achieving equality (feminists talk about “equality” but increasingly mean “superiority”!). Rather, these feminists say, Women should retain the options they have and offer them to men. Maybe as matriarchy dawns, men will be wise enough to embrace the options women are offering and be able to do so without criticism or ostracism.
